Definitions and Disclaimer
Bottom shaming is when you treat people who receive penetrative anal sex as inferior or disgusting. As with any other ism, it can be overt or subtle. “It’s giving bottom energy” is an example. Conversely, people’s continued use of “top” or “top energy” or even “alpha” frames topping as inherently superior. Slut shaming also seems to increase whenever someone is known to receive any kind of penetration.
If you are squeamish or uncomfortable around sex, sexuality, queer sex and sexuality, and blunt discussions of sex, body functions, or body parts, this article is not for you. Also, there is no one way to have sex or mess around and everyone’s body is different, take the things mentioned here with a grain of salt.
Bottoms Generally Have To Do the Most So Everyone Involved Has Fun
Generally speaking, if you are someone who prefers hygienic anal sex, bottoms have to clean out their asses. How much and how long will vary for everyone every time. Bottoms also might have to avoid eating most things (or chose to not eat at all) any amount of time beforehand to stay hygienic. Strict tops don’t have to worry about these things (though everyone should be washing their asses, don’t be gross).
But beyond cleaning and potential fasting, bottoms are at increased risk for pain, physical discomfort, and STD/STI transmission. So why belittle and put down those who are literally more vulnerable?
Men Fuck, Women Get Fucked
“Who is the man?” “Who wears the pants?” Society is hellbent on men being the pursuer and the penetrator, and women as the pursued and the penetrated. So for any man or non-woman getting fucked, they must be trying to be a woman, right? And there’s nothing worse than someone who isn’t a woman trying to be one, right?
Alphas vs Betas/Masc vs Fem/Top vs Bottom
Let’s not play games. When you hear someone is a “top” what do you imagine? Someone built, masculine, probably muscular or fit, with a big dick, and confidence. None of these traits are inherently bad, but you should unpack why these traits are associated with tops. In actuality, anyone can be a top or bottom. Short, tall, fat skinny, big dick, average dick, little dick, no dick at all, man, woman, non-binary person, any sexuality under the sun.
The reason why most people imagine or prefer male tops to have all the traits associated with masculinity is that a lot of people are inherently misogynistic. Men fuck, and women get fucked. And the ideal man looks like a pro wrestler. Anything less just isn’t a man.
Like what you like. You don’t have to top, bottom, be verse, or do anything to prove anything. Do it because you like it and want to. Take care of your sexual health, be open and honest about your experience with your partner(s), and don’t take nonsense from anyone and their opinions about you and your sex life.