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Online Dating: White Males are the most verbally abusive to me


Online Dating: White Males are the most verbally abusive to me

These statements are my personal experiences. Strong Language .


So I was talking to a Facebook friend about online dating and we both use sites like Tinder and OkCupid to find potential dates. We were sharing online dating stories and we both have had similar experiences interacting with white men: the majority tend to be really abusive and mean.

Seriously, I’ve had lots of white men, especially on Okcupid send me messages and while I’ve been on a few awesome dates with white men, the majority when messaging me have been rude, racist and overall mean. This is especially true for Okcupid.

I’m not a novice to being trolled online and even on a dating site I’m not excluded but if I had to compare the verbal abuse I’ve encountered from men online, white men by far are more abusive to me.

I define abuse as saying things to a stranger in a fashion meant to hurt, assault or belittle. If I’m on a dating website and I don’t message you or even visit your profile and you randomly message me to tell me I’m unattractive, I look slutty or to solicit me that’s abusive. If I’m not interested in you and you send me messages until I block you, that’s abusive. If you can’t fathom why I’m not interested or require me to laundry list reasons on why I’m not interested, that’s abusive and this behavior comes from the majority of white men I’ve encountered online.

It could be because there are more white men on dating sites and with more men the more chances of creeps you will encounter. I totally get that. But I’d get a message from a white guy and they all fit the same type too; stud looking, fitness junkie, decent job and lives in a trendy area. They always message me first and tell me how hot I am or in some cases tell me how ugly I am. The ones that tell me I’m attractive always follow up with questions like ‘Ever been with a white guy before ‘ as if they’re dick is some special road to some untold freedom I don’t know of. Then there’s the old white guys that ask me if I can twerk. But the most annoying ones are the ones that call me various types of food or alternative words for black; like ebony, chocolate, caramel, queen, black goddess etc.

But it’s when I let them know I’m not interested that the racial slurs spew out. “You fucking monkey” or lately it’s been anything regarding Mike Brown. I once had a white guy tell me I look like Nelson Mandela.

Black men, Hispanic men and Indian men have said lewd things to me too but white males are far more rude, sexist, chauvinistic and racist towards me than the aforementioned combined.

I’ve been on a few great dates with white men that I enjoyed but it’s hard for me to not be as guarded and apprehensive to dating white men with so many negative interactions I’ve had online with them.

White men that are interested in black women or any ethnic women please avoid saying these things. I can assure you if you don’t approach ethnic women like this you’d get a warmer reply.

Don’t ask me if I’ve been with a white guy.
Don’t ask me that stupid shit. Seriously, you sound creepy as hell and you come across as if you have a fetish.

Don’t call me chocolate, queen, caramel or whatever pet name you have for Black women
Calling me chocolate is not going to make you look more appealing or me more interested.

Stop assuming you know my nationality
All black women with dreads aren’t from the Caribbean so stop assuming that.

Stop projecting your idea of what you think black women are to me
So because I’m black I obviously want to go on a date and eat chicken, twerk and and listen to rap music?


Nene doesn't approve

I already know there’s going to be the typical “Not all white men are like that” type of backlash to this post, but until you’ve been caught off guard by a man giving you a backhanded compliment then feeling entitled to you because they are white and male, you should probably shut the hell up.


Mad ethnic right now...



  1. maximosis

    January 7, 2015 at 1:54 PM

    Great read, but i am not surprised at all. Working in corporate management I notice white men usually speak about black women like some sort of achievement or task they need to do before they die. It’s no lie that inherently many of them see us blacks as beneath them. We just have to always keep that in mind when interacting with them on any platform.

    • Victor Ome Umukoro

      January 8, 2015 at 6:15 PM

      I completely agree with you…good observation you got

    • Mellisa vogel

      May 26, 2017 at 8:19 PM

      I’m a white woman 5 feet tall. These white men have been so verbally and sexually abusive I had to deactivate my acct. Even a few I met in person didn’t seem to be interested in me one bit. This is on the plenty of fish website. I don’t have a clue as to why all these men are evil. My guess is 9 out of 10 of these men are social drinkers. They have drinking problems.

  2. Victor Ome Umukoro

    January 7, 2015 at 1:58 PM

    well to my own observation as a Nigerian, I have observed that whitemen are more selfish and foolish when it come to online dating because they don’t wanna know if the person they are chatting with is real or not……..

    pls to the white dudes here, pls forgive my manners okay, is just that am not happy with they way you guys take online dating so serious…

  3. Yup we're all pricks

    August 21, 2015 at 12:09 AM

    Yup you’ve got all white guys pegged just right ,,, I just bashed a black female on okcupid just now that had this link in her profile, , Because she was black ? Nope because she was a rude asshole that gets high 5x a week. So yeah I decided to tell her what a piece of shit she was , , , Tired of these asshole spouting how normal it is to just get high every day and most of them have kids too, (shocker). ,, You also might want to take into consideration that maybe the black guys aren’t so rude because they will bang anything with a heartbeat and tell you whatever you want to hear until they do exactly that, , Told the pig on okcupid she wonders why she’s over 40 and still single, , That’s why, , , every guys dream a fat stoner chick that has a shitty attitude towards men before they even say hello,, So all you women out there that agree with this article that it’s the men and not you, , , , Start adopting cats now before they are all gone

    • Erika

      November 1, 2019 at 9:30 PM

      I love comments like these because it shows your IP address which makes you easily traceable. While you are so bothered by fat chicks, you should be more bothered by living in your parent’s home in LI at your big, grown ass age.

  4. Shawn

    September 30, 2015 at 4:45 PM

    Not worth your time. Not worth your soul. Good job by you calling shit out. Don’t let anyone throw their base bestial desires at your feet… and then try to blame you. Let the weirdo jackers jack off. We’re good over here.

  5. Pingback: Swipe Left is a webcomic about a Black trans woman navigating life and love Fabulize Magazine

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