WAP Brings Out The Ashies

The internet had a collective meltdown this past weekend for some hoes in this house.  Cardi B’s newest single, featuring Megan Thee Stallion, aptly named WAP, dropped along with an savagely enticing video.

For my kink-friendly folks, you’ve got a new theme song. For the rest of the unwashed masses, WAP simply stands for Wet Ass Pussy. Good stuff right there.

The Blessings

We had golden nipple sprinklers. We had Normani throwing that thang in a circle. The Twerk Gods had both Cardi and Megan doing more splits than an ice cream shop. In other words, to quote the King of Fuck Boys, Life Is Good. Even without the red bottoms.

Enter The Musty Marathon

However, in the Lord’s wet tissue paper of 2020, apparently seeing two female rappers with a sexy video is controversy. Hearing two women rap about their pussy, their sex game, and how much they enjoy sex was listed as a war crime. The complaints ranged from how this video brought women back 50 years to this type of music being why we have COVID right now. We had everyone from some random hobosexuals with no money to minor midwestern politicians too unattractive to have opinions weighing in. 

However, my true axe to grind falls solely on men. Because men are embarrassing. All the time. I wanted to lie and say sometimes, but no. It’s every fucking day.

Make It Make Sense

Look. I’m not picture perfect when it comes to this argument. I’ve been one of those “sexually repressed, think I know everything, how dare the world not be what I say it should be” type of men in the past. However, I’ve done this thing called WORK. Where you dig deep, ask questions, and then realize you simply have a perspective of the world, not ownership of it.

What does this mean? Simple. Mind your goddamn business. It’s a song. With a video. Which was visually AWESOME. The fact that on a sunny Saturday morning, you unkempt, morning breath dragons got up to complain about the state of femininity is HILARIOUS.

You think sticking a finger in someone’s ass is freaky. It’s not. That’s basic. You can’t even fathom the idea that women enjoy sex in all of its variations. Then you get on the internet and slut shame. Weird. You subscribe to three different OnlyFans accounts and still fix your fingers to state who gets to be a wife. 

Afterwards, you shift the blame to music and say this kind of track is too vulger. Interesting. You knew the entire chorus to Put It In Your Mouth when you were 11. You’ve sung Nate Dogg’s verse from Ain’t No Fun with your whole chest out. Didn’t you go from the window to the wall back in 2003? With the sweat dripping down on the balls? Do not lie. Weren’t you trying to be Nelly and credit card swipe some ass cheeks because of Tip Drill? You even created a GoFundMe to ressurect BET Uncut.

In Conclusion….Hoes Be Mad

Cardi herself even said there are rappers for the type of consciousness the complainers keep asking for. But they are never supported. She is right. If you’re not running to Jay-Z or Lil Baby to sound like Common or Earthgang, then why the hell do you think Cardi should make music like Noname? Everybody has their lane. We’ve been raised on drug dealing, smashing hoes music, yet deepthroating pussy popping bars are too much?

So this….THIS…is the death of music huh? I even saw a man talk about how far we’ve strayed from music from Lauryn Hill and Arethea Franklin. As if blatant songs about sex, cheating, and secret relationships is worse than coded songs about sex, cheating, and secret relationships. Mmmk.

I thought about putting screen shots for all these encounters then changed my mind. I don’t show off ashiness, I moisturize it to make it disappear.

I’ll say this once: you bitches are hateful. You have no joy. You are angry at EVERYTHING that doesn’t look like struggle. 

The song happened. The video happened. The reaction of women enjoying it happened. That’s life. Case closed. 

Hit up a therapist and quit using Beyonce’s internet bandwidth to kink shame. The rest of us over here will keep having a good ass time.

Because those that actually get WAP could never complain about WAP. 

There’s only one complaint about the whole video, and well, we got an instant fix.

Also ladies, I don’t give out advice for free anymore, but if there’s one thing I’ll leave you with, it’s this:

Use it wisely.