I love the days when my social media is fun. Logging in and seeing funny videos; memes that make me laugh or contain valid, credible information to learn; some updates from that friend/family member I know I need to connect with in person but I love to see succeed from afar. Video game, anime, manga, and comic updates and being tagged in stuff that’s honestly appealing to my tastes. Social media can be a fun experience but I think no timeline or news feed is exempt from ashiness.
Either you somehow let someone you honestly didn’t even know in person slip thru the cracks and suddenly you see some shit that throws you off. Or maybe you have a friend/family member that’s so cool and nice in person but on social media is honestly so fucking nuts you begin to wonder what exactly you even have in common. Yeah, social media is definitely what we make it and we can block, unfriend, unfollow, and simply deny requests from folks we don’t know or have no interest in speaking to. But I want to address something I’ve seen all too often on social media that I remember hearing about long before Facebook logins became a daily routine.
The subject of being “Wife Material”.
There’s been so much propaganda out around the subject. Books, audiobooks, seminars, and even movies that paint women as being the sole reason for why they aren’t married. Perhaps she doesn’t cook, she doesn’t clean, perhaps she isn’t extremely submissive, or she is “too independent”, (whatever in the fuck that even means).
Women, (primarily black and other women of color), have been conditioned to aspire to relationships and marriage in such a way that it makes everything else they’ve accomplished not even important. Got a bachelors and even a masters? Cool. Got your own place, pay your own bills, and got a good credit score? Great. Travel all over the world at your own pace? Awesome. Working on or gained a great career through hard efforts and persistence? Well damn. Got a man? Nah, which evolves into “What the hell is wrong with you/What the hell is wrong with me?”
Technology has advanced and reaching mass amounts of people for free has become so normal, so it’s no surprise that sexism has evolved too. Now you get videos of men telling women what they have to do to get them to just simply commit to a relationship. Men have even convinced other women to join in and bash other single women longing to date. I can’t even begin to tell you how many videos I’ve seen of women in relationships for all of two seconds or in relationships that have gone on for nearly a decade, (ever notice their lack of a ring? Tuh), telling women how to land a nigga to marry.
Which is interesting because in reality most heterosexual men don’t even think about marriage nearly as much. Hell, the vast majority won’t learn to cook a meal because they’ve been so conditioned to think a woman is supposed to do that. They act as if good food doesn’t exist without the hands of a woman touching it. They bring up their mothers and grandmothers who did those things for the men they married while also turning a blind eye to the women possibly suffering from infidelity, exhaustion, domestic, psychological, or even sexual abuse. Most of the men with the loudest mouth on social media as to what a woman should provide don’t really even want to marry a woman anyway, (take that however you like).
Why is there no large narrative on “Husband Material”? Why aren’t there tons of memes as to what men could do to get commitment? How come heterosexual men aren’t given laundry lists of requirements to be considered worth being faithful? Why aren’t black men taught to take care of themselves and seek a partner with the same ideals?
My theory is that black women have been conditioned to withstand abuse, damage, or just simply mediocrity from all angles and keep on going as long as a man is there. Perhaps admirable from one angle, in reality it’s primarily depressing. Heterosexual men aren’t even close to socially conditioned to be good partners, good men, or good husbands. If anything, patriarchy certainly teaches women that this world belongs to men. They can sit on broken thrones doing the absolute bare minimum, (or the absolute worst), but feel qualified to tell women to be owned and fix them, feed them, suck and fuck them, and provide for them so they can continue being garbage.
None of this is to say that it’s not OK to have requirements for dating. None of this to say that anyone should go around acting as if they have no flaws or truly undesirable character traits. None of this is to say that there’s no quality relationship advice off or on social media. Everyone has a type and should feel qualified to expect things out of someone they plan to spend their entire lives with if aspiring to marriage is your thing. Nothing is wrong at all with desiring a person with qualities you also possess to share your time on Earth with. However, the sexism in most of it is so blatantly obvious that it has become exhausting.
A home cooked meal, constantly sweet disposition, always being consensual to sex, cleaned house and clean laundry, and giving head as he plays video games, right when he walks in the house, or while he drives will never make the man who does not want to be faithful be faithful. So stop listening to weak ass relationship/marriage advice and recognize your worth as a person. If a person really wants you then manipulating your mind, cheating, and stripping away the things that make you unique, valuable, and lovable will be furthest from their minds.