My experiences with being Black and dating Jewish men

new yorker

My grandmother always told me ” don’t put all your eggs in one basket” and as I get older, the urge to get married and procreate gets stronger. Living in New York City, I have the opportunity to date different men from different cultures but the most unique experiences thus far has been with dating and communicating with Jewish men.

Initially, I was very closed-minded to the idea of interacting with Jewish men because of the stereotypes and because of what I’ve seen with my own eyes in my very own community. The stereotypes that made me hesitant were “cheap, whiny, argumentative, sexist and very dedicated to their religion”. So I decided I’ll try it if the opportunity ever presented itself.

Experience 1
Online dating has allowed me to sift and pick what men I want to get to know and a few months ago a young Jewish man hit me up – age 31, 5’9, bearded, bald, few tats. Jewish but not orthodox (mainly because I was near him I’m sure) and we started video chatting and talking everyday. He would tell me how he’s attracted to me but how he was busy with med school and such – which was understandable for me because I was busy too. But he started to always have an excuse and cancelling on me but maintained consistent communications. He would speak to me in Yiddish and Hebrew sometimes ( only because I knew a few phrases just from living in my neighborhood) and he would try his best to clear up all those Jewish stereotypes ( like the having sex through a sheet rumor). I guess we friendzoned (becoming more friendly and platonic than romantic) each other because even though we live 15 minutes away from each other he has never actually met me? So does this actually account for an experience?

Experience 2
Experience 1 was OK I guess but we never met face to face. Experience 2 was a young man about 32 who lived in Israel for most of his life, spoke Hebrew and was an orthodox Jewish man. Before we went out on a date he told me before hand that he had no qualms dating non-Jewish and would like to hang out with me. We went out to dinner, he was funny, polite, politically aware ( he talked about politics in Israel and how he sides with the Palestinian people) and charming. He wasn’t kosher because he had beer and a burger with bacon and cheese ( I’m not lying). Once our date was over and we was in the car he reached over and tried to grab my hair – which threw me off and my reaction was to smack his hand – but he kept saying how much he likes my hair and how he thought I was cute and he hit me with the deal-breaker. ” I really think you’re cute and I think you’re a smart girl but my family will never approve of you or this relationship. I hope you’re not mad but I dated a black girl for 3 years in secrecy and she was fine with that arrangement”.

What in the same hell gave him the inclination I would date him, or any man in secrecy? What year is this again?

Experience 3
I’m not jaded yet. I’m at my local Trader Joe’s an I’m looking like a big ass 5-year-old ( you know a bright colored top, mix-matched leggings, sneakers and my book-bag) and I’m stop by an older ( maybe 40-45) Hasidic Jewish man stopped me to ask me directions to the nearest synagogue. I found this a bit odd because clearly I’m not Jewish but whatever I guess. After I told him I wasn’t sure where the synagogue was he told me, well almost reprimanded me for not knowing where the local temple was. He asked me my name then concluded by saying ” you are a beautiful Shiksha.”

I guess this doesn’t count because it wasn’t a date.

Experience 4
In Queens, NY I met a Jewish man, age 38, unwed, childless and he approached me sort of strong. He complimented me endlessly and made it appear he only wanted to long-term date. H was very adamant about wanting children and very vocal about being extremely open about bi-racial children. We talked on the phone and as we tried to get to know each other, he told me how he’s ready for children. He kept talking about it – almost every conversation. “Are you on birth control? Would you consider raising your children in traditional Judaism practices? Would you ever convert?” To be honest I never thought or considered converting to anything. Then he revealed to me that he does not want to date or procreate with the “typical Jewish woman” but would rather have children by an ethnic woman (preferably black) but will not marry an ethnic woman unless she converts to Judaism. But the most mind blowing statement he made was that he would marry a Jewish woman but would still have children with a black woman! Girl yes he did!!!

So I’m not not really sure if I will continue to be open to dating Jewish men but I’m not too thrilled with my experiences because it is new but it seems very difficult to try to have one.

I did speak to another Hasidic young man that approached me and he told me that Moses’ wife was black so it is perfectly fine for Jewish men to date black women but he also seem very adamant to convert me. He always wanted to talk about theology and art ( and I love art) and wanted to know my feelings regarding faith. We don’t converse as much as we did but who knows what the future may hold.

So ladies, have you ever dated a Jewish man? Can you relate to any of these experiences? Let me know.

46 thoughts on “My experiences with being Black and dating Jewish men

  • August 18, 2013 at 11:26 AM
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    Well, I can tell you that we will be seeing a lot of Jewish men marrying black women. Its happening now.

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    • November 2, 2013 at 4:26 PM
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      why do you think this is happening now?

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    • May 20, 2016 at 6:15 PM
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      That is true I’m dating one never thought it would happen.

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  • November 2, 2013 at 3:50 PM
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    I work for8 jewish men and see the way he treats his wife, and he treats her so special. Coming from an abusive relationship with a black guy, I am now feeling that I wanna try to take a jewish guy. But I’m a little apprehensive about if it. would it actually happen? if he would actually be sweet to me like I’ve seen my employer be to his wife. I’m really curious…and kind of disappointed at your experience but if I do have 1 I will definitely posted on your blog.

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  • November 21, 2013 at 7:13 PM
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    Hi thanks for this article. I had & still have the opportunity to date a jewish man. He’s tall handsome and an orthodox. I’ve never dated out of my race before its not intentionally it just is that way. As I sit in bed thinking of him I wonder why haven’t I given him a chance as yet. …… We met in bed bath & beyond while shopping with my mom (weird) my mom was on line and I was busy being amazed by a margarita machine he then came up to me I didn’t notice him he sad “hi my name is E and I came over to ask you how is your day going” I replied my day is going fine he then asked me “who are you here with?” I told him that I was there with my mother he then said to me “you’re beautiful I love your style your eyes are beautiful what is your name?” by this time I was caught off guard I looked at him as if I was being punked (like haha Aston kutcher you can come out now lol) I was looking around the store in disbelieve like is he really speaking to me? he chuckled and it was so cute that I smiled too it was a fun awkward e gave me his card and told me to call him whenever I found the time to. That same day we started texting the following week after I left my office I decided I should get my nails done. He came to the nail salon sat with me for about an hour while my nail tech whispered questions about him to me (lol) “who is he is that your new boyfriend? He’s hot & he’s nice to you” she clearly didn’t whisper low enough because he replied “No actually I’m her fiance she just has no idea” I was shocked he said that but before I could reply the salon was clapping (I felt just as surprised even more) after that day I was a bit distant I felt he was moving too fast with the things he would say. I don’t think we would go well together because of cultural differences I’m honestly afraid of getting involved & his family not liking me. My family is very welcoming so he wouldn’t have to worry. He would request a picture every day to see how I would dress for work he seemed to love how my clothes fit my figure 🙂 the crazy part is he found it hard to send me a picture. I started ignoring his calls & text but a year later he hasn’t given up on trying to get me on a date. I’m not sure why I’m avoiding him, or do I? Mmmm I’m not sure but I still do like him its just something holding me back I really feel its the cultural difference & the fact that he’s the baby boy of his family aka his mothers favorite YIKES (lol) that scares yhe heck out of me.

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    • November 21, 2013 at 7:55 PM
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      Girl, invite me to the wedding…. I have kosher wine

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      • October 10, 2015 at 5:04 AM
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        I had been dating this Jewish guy from, started as friends. Have been dating for about 2 months, he told his mother about me and she hit the fan! Under NO circumstance are you going to bring this woman to the family. So the mother called the whole family, and in 2 days the relationship was over. You can’t bring home to us a black Christian. this man is (58).

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        • May 20, 2016 at 6:18 PM
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          That is,scary. I don’t want to go thru that again.

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    • February 4, 2014 at 9:52 PM
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      some of them are good talkers 😉

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    • February 5, 2015 at 4:47 AM
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      So have u finally given him a chance?
      He sounds amazing!!!

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    • December 2, 2016 at 11:40 PM
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      Go for it. Guys like him only come here once and a lifetime.

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    • January 3, 2017 at 1:22 PM
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      I totally understand your fear but sometimes, what we fear the most could be the greatest thing that ever happened to us plus what’s the worst that could happen! A guarded heart and mind can never feel true love. Let down those bridges…

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  • November 25, 2013 at 11:22 PM
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    I just happend to google this topic because I’m having a jungle fever kind of moment. Every man I find attractive lately is Jewish. It’s really odd. I’m 41 and I’ve only gone on one date with 2 non black guys in my life. One was white and the other a Palestinian. For some reason Jewish men intrigue me though. Here in St. Louis it’s still very odd to see non black men with anything other than white women so I don’t know how realistic it is that I will ever date one. I’ve definitely been hit on by Jewish men and I know they find me attractive I’ve just never been with one. Maybe one day…

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  • February 4, 2014 at 7:02 PM
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    Hello there! This article could not be written much better! Reading through this article reminds me of my previous roommate! He always kept talking about this. I am going to send this post to him. Fairly certain he’s going to have a good read. Thanks for sharing!

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  • February 14, 2014 at 9:10 PM
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    Usually I do not learn post on blogs, but I wish to say that this write-up
    very compelled me to take a look at and do it! Your writing
    taste has been amazed me. Thanks, quite great post.

    Reply
  • June 27, 2014 at 9:35 AM
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    Im a biracial women currently married to Jewish man who treats me like royalty . Prior to marrying him I dated many different nationalities so dating him was not a big deal. The problem I see in your thread is the lack of opportunity to date various type men,people like to be treated as people not Im dating you because you are Jewish 😕 thats why you met men that wanted to date you as an experiment to test drive a black women. Anyway the backlash of outdating then marriage from his mother was outrageous major guilt trips and rude behavior my husband ignored everyone and married me anyway. If a person loves you they will move mountains for you.

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    • July 7, 2014 at 3:23 AM
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      Meliissa, i have dated and i continue to date any guy i think is dope. the problem i have is they treat me differently – like im so sort of exotic cat. Also, most of the jewish guys that were interested in me were brought up in orthodox households. I dont go out of my way to find jewish men honey i promise.. they always find me LOL.

      “Anyway the backlash of outdating then marriage from his mother was outrageous major guilt trips and rude behavior my husband ignored everyone and married me anyway.”

      eeek! how did you deal with that? are you now Jewish too

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  • July 18, 2014 at 5:58 PM
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    I’ve been involved with a Jewish man for over a year. He’s the youngest and was previously married. He is 40 ish and upon first meeting his parents the converting conversation appeared. Too involved in his personal life. They told me they had no secrets as he was abused in his previous marriage. He is a spoiled adult. Parents pay his bills and he manipulates to get favors. My race wasn’t a problem. His lying and manipulation were. I would have loved them as in laws. Wonderful people. I’m a southern black and he is from Canada. Sadly men are men. I hate liars!

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  • December 24, 2014 at 10:35 AM
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    well, bad experiences happen; the religion doesnt matter its the person and what they are on the inside that really count. it is hard to fight against stereotypes and racism; your devotion to your principles and following your heart and spirit is what can overcome all that, but only if you want it to and it is a struggle; society has a way of bringing us to believe in”their” reality which i dont choose to follow, and Jews and Blacks out of any people know this better than anyone. my five cents.

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  • April 10, 2015 at 5:17 PM
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    I am a 45 year old Black woman and I found this blog as I am thinking about dating A Jewish man. I’m interested in expanding my dating arena to hopefully find my mate. I enjoy reading about you ladies experiences. I hope to have some to share too. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

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  • April 29, 2015 at 8:27 PM
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    I am actually quite happy I found this blog. I have two experiences with dating Jewish men. The first one is a guy I met and dated almost a years ago. He is not an orthodox Jew and indeed could pass for any regular guy. When we first met we spoke about everything anyone would talk about upon the first meet and trying to get to know someone. The topic of religion came up and I asked what his religion was and he told me he was Italian Catholic. I asked if he had kids and he said no, so everything was “good to go” well, until I realized that he only wanted to come see me and I never went to his place. I’m the type of girl who gets to know a guy and date him for a while before sleeping with him and that I did do until he decided he couldn’t wait so we decided to end it. About two months later we started communicating again and he decided he’d wait until I was ready, but along the way he kind of pushed the issue so I gave in and had sex with him. This continued for a few months, but only occasionally because nothing he told me made sense and many months had passed and I still haven’t seen his place so I kept on begging him to be honest with me, but he always had some excuse so I decided to end it for good. A few months later, there he was again begging me for a another chance and I told him to be honest with me and I’ll consider whether or not I’ll get back with him. That’s when he told me that he was married and had a kid—keep in mind, I still didn’t know he was Jewish. I told him that I could never live with myself knowing that I broke up a marriage so I stopped talking to him altogether, but for months he still pursued me.
    How I found out he was Jewish? I found his facebook page. I was torn and cried. I didn’t cry because he was Jewish, I cried because that was conformation that there could’ve never been anything serious between us and that was when I knew for sure that I’ve really been played. Months later I kept on getting texts from his number mostly asking questions or for a picture, but I’m no fool so I figured it must’ve been his wife or someone in his family, because he told me that his sister sometimes uses his phone. Anyway, the person who was texting who admitted that she was a female, but did not say her relation to him kept on asking questions including if I’m Jewish! I told her that I’m not Jewish, never sent her a picture of myself, and told her not to get any crazy ideas, because I’m no longer involved with him.
    Oh, by the way, I was 23 when we first met and he lied saying he was 29. It was after we broke up I found out he was actually 32!
    The second Jewish guy I dated, he was cool but we weren’t compatible for many reasons. I was kind of thrown off that on our first date he started to kiss my neck! He literally begged for a second date and I agreed, but that was when I realized that we would never work.
    In addition, I found him to be a little on the cheap side. I’m a very laid back girl and I prefer a simple date above anything else, but we went on two dates—simple as I liked it—but he never even offered to buy me a drink—I don’t drink alcohol and he’s aware of that so even water would’ve been nice—or even suggest it as I could’ve bought my own. This guy was a lawyer who owns his own law firm in the city (NYC) and would go home to make dinner and ate before our dates.

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    • May 20, 2016 at 6:30 PM
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      You like other women make bad choices. I hate this dating world now so many men Jewish or non Jewish Lie!

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    • November 5, 2016 at 2:17 AM
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      Omg girl naw 😂😂😂

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  • May 14, 2015 at 6:41 PM
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    Hey Everyone,

    My boyfriend family is Jewish. They aren’t necessarily religiously jewish, but more of the ethinic variety if that makes sense. It really depends on the person. My boyfriends parents like me but sometimes they wish I was Jewish. He on the other hand doesn’t care if I was purple and Muslim, which I’m not, he loves me for exactly how I am. He almost worships me and treats me so well. So don’t be afraid to look. You never know the type of guy you’ll meet.

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  • November 4, 2015 at 8:46 PM
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    I’ve been in some weird relationship with a jewish guy. He’s 27 and really in my opinion jewish men only want black woman for sex. the 1st time we meet he said he was interested and wanted to see me back. He propose to help me with a projet. I accepted, we would text one another…but like serious conversation (marriage, futur life…). But i felt something was off. Hold on people…Mr jew thinks I’m Anastation Steele…FUCK NO !! He wan’t to play sado-maso games and wants me to be his whore. Honestly don’t trust any Jewish man. They lie, are deceiving and will leave you went they’re bored. They probably won’t marry you anyway. If it’s not because you’re jew it’s because of your skin tone since they beleive us to be curse because of Ham (a biblical caracter).

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  • December 15, 2015 at 5:42 PM
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    Interesting article. I am currently talking to a divorce/family… Jewish man. Its been about a year and no he is not an orthodox Jew. He helps me but we don’t ever go anywhere in public which is understandable because I’m black n he’s Jewish , but what I don’t get is that he insist that we are only sexual after 6pm which is at his apartment also in Jew/Russian/ Turkish neighborhood…..Surprisingly he’s a black p*rn star in bed;);)🙌🙌 lol

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  • May 20, 2016 at 6:10 PM
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    Yes I’m dating one now he’s 64 and I am 58. It’s not easy. But I feel comfortable with him which shocked me. He lives in Washington DC I live in Maryland. It’s been a year now. He got out of a living relationship with a Jewish woman. Yes he been with black women. Younger than I. I’m the one that challenges him. I know he needs to get to know more.about black women. I prefer to date Jewish men. I am seeing a bit of change. Slowly quite a few of them have black wives or. Mistresses and or girlfriends.

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  • January 27, 2017 at 3:56 AM
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    This Jewish grad student in my class and I were study buddies. He tried to initiate sex with me and tried to grope me on the elevator. I showed no signs of interest that day. He just dimmed the lights and tried to give me a back rub. Then it went from back rub to hands in shirt in a span of 30 seconds. What the hell? I prefer Italian men, most have the decent not to do that. My boyfriend is Italian Catholic, Catholic guys don’t mind dating and marrying you, whereas, Jews just want “fun”.

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  • April 1, 2017 at 3:28 AM
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    They just want black girls for fun….so how do you change that

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  • April 3, 2017 at 12:36 AM
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    I have a Jewish guy that is interested but he talks about sex constantly

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      • April 4, 2017 at 12:09 PM
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        I do not get it at all.. we have been chatting since 2014 and still your screaming about sex .. boi noooooo💅🏾💅🏾💅🏾

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  • April 27, 2017 at 5:28 AM
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    Interesting comments. Like your article Eryka!

    I see several areas of confusion.

    – Men are men regardless of nationality. Some have a better upbringing than others, some will have good manners and apply them to those around them regardless of the situation, some are pussy hunters and will prey on the closest target. Easy as that. Sorry.
    Some of you are lucky you meet a gentleman. The other 90% are not interested in an LTR or worse are weirdos. (So keep your guard at all times till proven safe. it’s a wild world these days)

    – jewish religion (and therefore tradition) calls for both partners to be Jewish (as in born from Jewish mother, our converted) hence he’ll bring up the conversion spiel sooner or later.and if he won’t, his family will (aka parents) And yes, it’s a matriarchal culture, so his mama gonna have some say in it. the good news is: his wife will too!
    If they aren’t religious, the traditions still call to marry with in the fold. as traditions are rooted in religion.

    – if the man looks obviously religious (look like an amish, lol), or says he is but doesn’t behave like a religious Jew (eats cheese and bacon sandwiches, fit example), then chances are he’s only fooling around with you. he’ll never bring you back to his neighborhood. he’s still sorting things in his life. he’s a loser. (and you are a dope for dating him… now that you know this, that is) 🙂

    – the main area of confusion (at least for me) lies along that racial divide. culture clash. differing life experiences…
    Say he’s a normal guy. has a career, his own place and is single. And he’s genuinely interested in you. Not everyone can walk away from their family if they disapprove of his choice like Meliissa’s man did. both of you want the grd parents to be involved when you have children, don’t you? So this area is more about internal maturity of both parties over their ingrained prejudices.

    And please, please, ladies! Don’t go sounding like gold diggers wanting to marry X without even knowing what it is. Go on Wikipedia. look up what Jewish culture/religion is about. read up about social structure beliefs and taboos. Then you’ll know what to look for in a great Jewish guy, understand where he’s coming from and how to behave around him. you ll also have much better chances evading a weirdo, or noticing something is odd in his behavior.

    Wishing all you-s to find your better halves!

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    • May 19, 2017 at 5:25 AM
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      I don’t know why you took the time to write that bullshit on this old article.

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    • July 27, 2017 at 10:32 AM
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      Men are trash doesn’t matter religion/background/age/ race and nobody talked about money or scheming so unpack some of that sexism you have going on there, too.

      Reply

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